Rot 1 by Aidan J. Reid

Author:Aidan J. Reid
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Good thing about being fairy sized in their world is that you get into tiny spots where others can’t. ‘Spose bad thing about that then is human sized things are obviously lot bigger. When they see beautiful things, I see ugliness. A pretty flower infested with tiny mites. A beautiful painting, cracked and decayin’. And that’s just the good lookin’ stuff.

Ever seen a marbled human turd up close? It’s a real work of art. Seen the threads of corn that stitch it together? Something Dr. Frankenstein would be proud of I tell ya.

How long did it take before I realized what a bad idea jumpin’ in the toilet was? Oh…I’d say about fifteen seconds. First part was pretty cool. Didn’t expect no water slide park. I had my head torch on. It wasn’t much help. I was sloshin’ round in them pipes ‘til I was black and blue. I’m strugglin’ to catch a breath, falling deeper into this hole. Talk about shit creek without a paddle. Suddenly, I’m fallin’ through the air.

Ever had one of those perfect moments when time stands still? Or everything slows? Beautiful innit? Yeah, well mine ended when I face-planted in a river of shit.

The smell? Came up smellin’ roses, whadya think? I was covered in it. Every inch. I was picking it out every hole for days to come. The missus sure loved that. Got in my pores. I was sweating it out of me. Real joy to be around back then. Talk about going the extra mile? And then some.

Now, I’m thinking, cut my losses. Snort dust, or what crumbly shitty fragments are left of it in my pocket. Get out of there, onto dry ground, then use my whistle. Then I’d catch my ride, hoping I get a cat that don’t mind my eau de toilette, arrive back at the Kingdom and then scrub myself ‘til it bleeds.

‘Course, then there’s that other part of me. The one that got me into this mess. He’s telling me that the worst is over. Nothing left to lose by hoking around. God, I hate that prick.

So, I’m doing the backstroke through some boiled turds, trying not to gulp down any giblets. Big rubbery condoms float on the surface, bloated jellyfish. They’re trying to trap me but I finally get to the edge of this tunnel. Least I think it’s a tunnel the way the walls were shaped. There’s a platform on the side, too steep for me to climb up. So, I start roundin’ up some shitbergs and wedging them against this wall. It’s not the most stable thing in the underworld. Some of the crap won’t mix. I’m saying, ‘let’s all get along’. I need to use some elbow grease ‘til I’ve gelled my Frankenturd and dug footholds into it. After some trial and error, I get up on the platform.

When I’m on solid ground, I take a breather. I dump my whistle on the ground. The little bag of dust – it’s wet through and through.

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